This place has been more silent than talkie lately, am I right?
2013 has been really rough so far, and more and more I find myself wanting to come back here, to my world of classic movies and old friends. I miss Silents and Talkies. I miss movies, for that matter. I keep yearning to watch them, feeling pangs in my chest and a pit in my stomach that won't go away until I finally sit myself down in front of some black and white moving images. But I never seem to find the time and those pains just stay there, a constant aching reminder that I'm starving for the comfort food of classic film.
In February, my beloved cat Hypatia passed away. I've been having a really hard time moving on. It's especially tough because she was my everything. As I've mentioned before, I don't really date and all of my friends are online. I feel so completely, utterly alone without her. Every time I think I'm getting a little better, something happens that puts me right back where I started. Yesterday I had to pick up one of my other cats at the vet. It was my first time back there since I said goodbye to Hypatia and it took all that I had to keep my composure. Part of me just kept thinking "maybe when they hand me the pet carrier, Hypatia will be inside and this will have all been a horrible nightmare." But that didn't happen. Other things have gone wrong this year too (another big one being the slow and steady decline of my etsy shop) but Hypatia's passing has been the primary reason for my heavy heart.
I think one of the reasons I miss --and need -- movies right now is that they can reflect the emotions you're feeling and act like a friend giving you a warm embrace, whispering in your ear, "I know how you feel." Not many movies deal with my particular brand of grief, but watching a film where an actor conveys the agony of losing a loved one or the feeling that their world is falling apart, it helps you heal in a way that nothing else can. It says that whatever you're feeling is human and you're not alone.
Of course then there is that other reason that movies help -- escape from reality. When I turn on Follow the Fleet, I'm no longer a sad wreck sitting alone in my empty bedroom, but an audience member at a shipyard show. Follow the Fleet is one of my go-to movies when I'm feeling blue. Despite failing to watch as many movies as I'd like to right now, I have at least watched this one quite a few times in the last two months. If Fred Astaire singing "Let's Face the Music and Dance" can't make you feel better, I'm not sure what can!
Every time I try to come back here I seem to lose my focus and let things go for a few weeks.. a few months.. a year. But I really want to stick around this time. I miss having an outlet for my thoughts and talking about the movies I love with lovely people. If you're an old friend who still has an active classic movie blog -- or if you just found my blog and have a classic movie blog -- please let me know in the comments so I can visit your site. xo